There’s a big difference between boundaries and barriers, even though the words sound similar. Boundaries are healthy limits we set for ourselves and others, and they’re absolutely essential for self-care and survival. I have set some of my own as time has passed, necessary for self-care in the world of today. They help us protect our mental health, keep our relationships respectful, and make sure we’re not running on empty. Boundaries are not selfish, they’re the foundation for feeling safe and strong in the world.

Barriers, on the other hand, are walls we build to shield ourselves from pain or discomfort. While they might seem like a form of self-defense, barriers can actually be isolating and harmful. I have had to check myself lately to make sure with all that is going on I am not outing up barriers instead of boundaries.  Instead of keeping us safe, they often keep us alone, making it harder to connect, trust, and heal. Barriers can block out the support we need, leaving us stuck in our struggles. I am not one that likes to “be stuck”  but it is hard to ask for help at times, most of the time. But seeing the results of barriers has been quite an overwhelming thing for me.

It is happening to me now. My sister is at the verge of a nervous breakdown it feels like. A divorce amid mental and physical abuse issues. A husband that is trying to break her, evil and narcissistic, no empathy. He has a family that backs him up. My sister has only me. When someone you care about starts putting up barriers, it can be tough to watch. You might notice they become withdrawn, stop sharing, or seem distant. The physical distance between us and circumstances makes it hard to help, and if she does not tell me I do not know what is happening. She is all I have left. Our small family has been whittled down to just she and I. I do not know what to do most of the time. Financially I would try and do anything I could to help. It’s natural to want to help, but it’s important to respect their process while also taking care of yourself. I am struggling with this now, severely.

My psychological training makes it very hard to watch and to be quite honest, it is little help and feels like TMI when it is happening to you and someone you love. I know now why counselors do not counsel family. I have been doing the suggested thing… Start by gently reaching out, let them know you’re there for them, without pushing or pressuring. Listen without judgment and offer encouragement if they’re open to it. But that has gone off the rails. She thinks I am judging, but the changes in her are so startling that I was shocked and ill-prepared for what I found when I came for a visit. She has built barriers… I have boundaries. This is what I have learned in the last 24 hours.

I am sitting here hoping that she is still in bed sleeping, she is quiet and still in there. But I’m unsure what will happen when she wakes up. She is angry and has had no one to take that out on, her friends have bowed out, so not real friends. I understand nowadays most do not want to be a part of Domestic violence and criminal things but seriously… you were her friend for years. So, she has been here since I left last December, getting by on a wish and a prayer as my grandmother would say. I am at a loss. I do know you cannot “fix” others or help someone who does not want it. But my heart and soul need to try… yes, it is a slippery slope for sure.

 It has made me reflect and remember my own boundaries. Supporting a loved one doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being. It’s okay to step back if things feel overwhelming. Keep checking in with yourself and seeking support if you need it. They say this is how it should  be done. I am a bit on the edge too, I am sitting here pondering how to handle this. I am told that by balancing compassion for your loved one with self-care, you can help them move from barriers to healthy boundaries and keep your own mental health strong. I guess I am fixing to test this out…