Rambling on about My little Southern conversation insurance nuggets and the clutter in my brain…

Some folks keep an emergency kit in their car. I keep useless facts in my head. You never know when a conversation might run out of gas, or take a turn down a road you had no intention of traveling.

When I’m stuck for something to say, or the room gets so awkward you can hear somebody reconsidering their life choices, I reach for a tidbit. Not necessarily a useful one. Just something interesting enough to make everybody blink and switch lanes, maybe laugh. 

I have collected plenty of these little treasures. Today, I’ll impart a few to you. Consider them to be conversation insurance. No deductible, but I cannot promise folks won’t wonder about you afterward.

“Did you know I have a Bible-based answer to what came first, the chicken or the egg?”

That’ll usually get somebody’s attention.

My reading of the Genesis creation story settles it for me… the chicken came first. Now, that’s my interpretation, not a verse that literally says, “The chicken wins.” But as far as my conversation starter is concerned, we can quit wondering and move on to what’s for supper. Whether anybody agrees with my reasoning or not, we are no longer discussing whatever made the room uncomfortable. Mission accomplished.

Here’s one my love affair with words helped tuck away… “goodbye” comes from an older expression meaning “God be with you.”

I came across that in my English studies, and it stayed with me. Words have a way of doing that. Some of them move right into your head and never pay rent. So when I tell somebody goodbye, I like to explain, “I’m not saying I never want to see you again. I’m sending you off with a blessing.” That can soften a moment. Sometimes it makes somebody smile. Sometimes it nudges a conversation from heavy to hopeful without my having to drag it there by the collar.

Then there is the ole switching lanes one that helps If a blessing doesn’t change the subject. Maybe…just maybe a headless rooster generally will.

“Did you know a chicken once lived eighteen months without a head?”

Yes. Eighteen months. His name was Mike, and the story began in 1945, when a farmer’s attempt to dispatch him didn’t go as planned. The detail I remember is that the farmer missed his jugular. Mike kept going, and the rest of us were left with questions we had not planned to ask about poultry.

I pull that one out when a conversation needs a sharp turn and a stunned laugh. It also comes to mind when I’ve walked into a room and forgotten why I’m there. Apparently, operating without much going on upstairs is not exclusively a human achievement.

I try to aim that joke at myself. A useless fact is supposed to lighten the conversation, not start a family feud.

Then there is my shopping facts that help me survive my cravings with facts. I’ve heard dark chocolate may help blood pressure, which is the tidbit that comes to mind when I’m upset and standing in the candy aisle and asking myself  “Why are you buying chocolate?” And then the little voice inside says,  “Well, honey, I’m trying to make a thoughtful decision under difficult circumstances.”

Let me be clear… that is my shopping excuse, not medical advice. I am not replacing a doctor with a candy wrapper. I just happen to love dark chocolate, and my affection for it does not require much encouragement.

There are others. Honey’s remarkable staying power. Birds being dinosaurs… the chicken connection, as I think of it. Suddenly, something pecking around the yard seems considerably more impressive.

But the one I truly love is this… Scotland’s national animal is a unicorn.

A unicorn.

That usually stops folks right in the middle of a thought. I can practically watch them put down their original subject and pick up a whole new set of questions. I admire the choice. Some days, a regular animal simply will not cover the situation.

These little facts make me grin, think, and occasionally feel as though I’ve found one tiny corner piece in the great jigsaw puzzle of life. They also give a conversation somewhere else to go. A little curiosity can be a kinder exit than announcing, “Well, this has gotten uncomfortable.”

In the end… Sometimes folks wonder about the fact. Sometimes they wonder about me. I’m comfortable with both outcomes.

So if you ever see me searching for words, give me a second. I’m probably sorting through chickens, chocolate, blessings, and a Scottish unicorn, trying to decide which one ought to enter the room.

Useless facts? Maybe.

But useful for changing the subject? Bless your heart, absolutely…