I was raised in the 60s and 70s, and life was far from what it is now. Life was different. I will say I kept my basic morals, lessons, and ways. But age and time have a way of changing some things, and the last ten years have changed much. I no longer go to church like I used to. I miss it, grieve it, actually.

 But I have found a new way to worship. I go to church online and have a few friends that I share bible thoughts and pray with. COVID and the rise of whatever it is, or whatever you want to call this wave of unchristian Christianity movement thing we have going on. I can no longer go to church and worship with those who also choose fascism, racism, and hate. I now go to church, my growing-up church, on Sundays online. I live 4 hours from there, or I would go there; my old church has felt the pains of it all as well but is surviving and evolving.

Those who are following the change and feel so offended by people being people and who are hate monger I cannot be around. I cannot and will not change my basic Christian ways, my faith is grounded. Thank you, God. I can see the difference, and it is sad. More often than not, families do not go as we did every Sunday twice, and on Wednesdays we had MYF. I am a First United Methodist member. My church has had an evolution, separating into the new Global Methodist and staying in the United Methodist. The name Global is tricky, it is now a racist and uninclusive church that is walking the “red line.” I will not do that. I cannot do that, it goes against everything I was taught, how I was raised, and most importantly, how I choose to be.

That’s why it matters to me… I have instead found myself hiking in parks and on trails and just in the county. I sit on the porch and read my Bible. I have joined Bible classes and done some on my own. I read devotionals every day and night, and my prayers are still sent to and received by God. I just can’t do the church thing… the energy of some churches and the people does not feel like it did. I would rather be as empathetic, and as feeling and kind as I am, and feel less of the bad, the judging, the evil, to be honest. I just can’t do it. But the new way I choose, while mostly satisfying, leaves me with an ache for the times when I could feel the Spirit move as we sang and worshipped together. Maybe one day I will find such a church again. But for now, I have my circle, my broadcast, and God is in my house, on my porch, and with me as I walk into the world He created. I am never disappointed… just miss the old way.