Rambling on about the Overlooked Seriousness of Victims’ Experiences and the Lasting Impact of Mental Abuse…..

Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that affects millions of individuals across the United States and around the world. As a woman, I am aware that it is not only women that are victims, but most of them are. Domestic violence has been a part of my life personally. I am one of the lucky ones I say, because when the physical and emotional violence was used against me, I was strong enough to push through it and remove myself from it. Now that is not to say it did not happen to me more than once, but something inside of me just snapped when I was abused and I refused to be in that. I still have a past littered with 3 bad relationships, but with God and faith built on the rock I survived and thrived that part of my journey.  

The reality of Domestic violence is that while physical abuse often draws public attention, the insidious nature of mental and emotional abuse can be even more damaging, leaving scars that are invisible but deeply felt. Tragically, victims of domestic violence frequently find that their suffering is not taken seriously enough, both by society and the legal system. This lack of seriousness creates a painful and arduous journey for those seeking justice, compounding the trauma they have already endured.

Mental abuse in domestic relationships manifests through manipulation, gaslighting, humiliation, isolation, and threats. Unlike physical violence, its impact is harder to prove, harder to see, and often harder for victims to articulate. Abusers can push their victims to unimaginable lows, eroding their sense of self-worth, autonomy, and safety. What begins as affection can transform into a weapon, as love becomes devious and hurtful leaving the victim questioning their own reality and value.

Victims of mental abuse face daunting obstacles when seeking legal recourse. The burden of proof for emotional and psychological harm is high, and evidence is often minimal or non-existent. The prosecution of domestic violence cases that center on mental abuse is not only difficult, but also emotionally painful and exhausting for the victim. Every step—reporting, recounting experiences, testifying—can reopen wounds and expose them to disbelief, skepticism, or even blame. The process can feel like a punishment rather than a path to justice. As someone who is going through this process with a relative, my sister now, I can tell you I thought the years since my own DV issues had paved a road to a better journey for those of us in these situations… I WAS WRONG, it is STILL a very bad dirt road filled with ditches and deep holes that seemingly have no bottom.

The effects of mental abuse linger long after the abusive relationship ends. Victims often struggle to feel safe, haunted by the fear that the abuse might continue or escalate. The psychological manipulation they endured can make them doubt their own perceptions, feel responsible for the abuse, and believe that things will never improve. The societal tendency to dismiss or minimize mental abuse only deepens these fears, reinforcing a sense of isolation and hopelessness. I have witnessed the smugness of those who are supposed to protect us as well as the reality of the way they literally tell us, “You are at a high risk of violence, you can protect yourself however you feel is necessary, use whatever you have or find to protect yourself.” In other words, we are not coming to save you, you must save yourself.

The painful truth is, that for many victims, the belief that justice will never come is sadly justified. The legal system frequently fails to recognize the seriousness of mental abuse, prioritizing physical evidence over psychological harm. Victims are left feeling unsupported, unheard, and invalidated. The lack of meaningful consequences for abusers perpetuates a cycle of suffering, forcing victims to carry their pain alone. This reality highlights an urgent need for change in our laws, in our attitudes, and in our understanding of what domestic violence truly is.

Domestic violence, especially in its mental and emotional forms, is a profound violation of trust and safety. To break the cycle of suffering, society must recognize the seriousness of victims’ experiences and reform the systems that fail them. Justice must be more than a distant hope; it must be an attainable reality. But for now, I am struggling to understand how no one will listen, no one is hearing the reality of my sister’s fear and worry. I am afraid that the next call I get will be them notifying me she is dead or hurt. I am seeing up close the indifference of the legal system, the way the violations of protection orders are glossed over. I am watching as he is given more leniency and they are suggesting she just take care of herself in any way she can. I hope for a world where this changes, but I do not expect it. I know that by listening, believing, and supporting victims, we can begin to heal the wounds of abuse and build a future where love is not a weapon, but a source of strength.