Rambling on about those lost and longed for…

There are some days that the heaviness of loss hits especially hard or deeper inside of me. Today is one of those days, a gray day, no rain to speak of yet but it is gloomy outside and inside of me as well. This morning, I miss my Mama and Daddy. The weight of the chaos in the world, the uncertainty in my life and the way things seem to be for me are exacerbated by the weather outside I suppose. This morning, I crave to have a talk with them. Mama would say come for lunch and a visit. I miss that… Daddy and I would hash out the goings on in the world, and mama and I would talk about people, recipes, upcoming holidays. My Daddy was a good man, A Chiropractor that took exceptional care of people, his devotion to his patients and theirs to him spoke of that. He was my go-to for health issues, and personal ones as well. There was nothing in the world that could not be made better by a visit to his office. He was someone that listened and heard, that waited and then spoke in a tone and with wisdom back to you that made you feel safe, loved, and stronger. My mama could take me out of my head and dream about projects, possibilities, and see beyond the limits I imposed upon myself. That is because she herself was often lost and struggling but never gave up. The strength she had was quiet and powerful. It took me getting older to truly understand them both, but they were quite remarkably strong. I suppose my tenacity and strength is a result of my raising, of being taught I was strong, of being given an upbringing that was filled with faith and belief that helped me build a foundation that has stood the storms of life. It is their strength, their tenacity, their faith and beliefs that help me build my own. They were not perfect, but the core values, the strength to live life, to keep moving, the kindness, the empathy, the values that they lived, they made me. That is what I remember, and miss… today I wish I could hear Daddy say it’s going to be alright. I wish I could hear Mama say, God is always there, hold on to Him.