Sometimes life gives you long stretches where you’re on your own, maybe you’ve been single for years, or maybe you lost someone important and are figuring out how to keep going. I Myself have lived through both scenarios, once I was living single for a long stretch by choice,  and quite happy. The last 16 years I have been in widowhood, a long journey of self-discovery for me, but one I feel very comfortable in. Either way, spending a lot of time solo really changes how you see things, what you want out of life, and how you spend your days. It also changes the way you look at what’s going on in other people’s lives.

Living without a partner for a long time means your routines, your expectations, even what “home” feels like—everything’s up for redefinition. As time goes on, you tend to get pretty good at being independent and handling things yourself. I had some practice from my first solo single run, but the second one, it did leave with a bad case of loneliness for a while. But either way, you start to realize you’re in charge of your own happiness, and making choices, both big and small. I admit I spent and still spend time “talking” to my Michael while making decisions, but in the end becoming independent and not  needing to check in with anyone else can feel pretty empowering for some of us.

Being on your own also gets you thinking: What matters most to me now? What does happiness or fulfillment really look like? The answers can change over time, and you might find joy in simple things—a quiet morning, the company of a pet, or trying new hobbies you never made time for before.

If you’ve been single or widowed for a while, your desires might not line up with what everyone else expects. Instead of chasing after what’s “normal” or looking for outside validation, you start craving authenticity, meaningful connections, and a sense of peace.

You might get the itch to travel, try new hobbies, or learn something you’ve always been curious about. Some people focus more on their mental health, maybe picking up meditation or diving into self-improvement. With no need to compromise, you’ve got more freedom to spend your time exactly how you want.

Friendship and family bonds can feel more intentional, too. You choose who you want around, and you get a lot clearer on who lifts you up and who doesn’t. As I have aged into widowhood, I have found myself choosing more intentionally who I spend my time with, or I spend time around. Watching friends, family, or even neighbors go about their lives feels different when you’re on your own. Sometimes you might feel a little envious of couples, or maybe you just appreciate the freedom from all the obligations relationships can bring.

Often, you become more understanding—realizing that nobody’s life is perfect and everyone has their own struggles, even if it doesn’t look that way from the outside. You might find yourself becoming the person others come to for advice, since you’ve seen and felt a lot. But for me, I have come to care less about society’s “milestones” like getting married and not living alone. Those things matter less as you focus more on building a life that feels right for you, on your terms, reinventing yourself and life to just be. to find happiness, to fill the days with what makes your soul smile.

The solitude that once seemed scary can turn out to be a chance for growth and a fresh outlook. Your dreams, priorities, and sense of compassion can all shift. With time, lots of people find real contentment on their own path, defining what “living fully” means for them. Whether it’s through deep friendships, creative projects, or moments of reflection, there’s always meaning to discover—proof that even the quietest chapters of life can hold something beautiful and new. As for me I am quite happy, more so than sad… I miss My Michael but my memories and the idea that one day I will see him again keep me going.