Throughout our lives, we pass through a series of distinct phases, changes in life’s journey, and each is marked by its own milestones, challenges, and growth. Childhood, I will say, is the one I miss and enjoyed the most. It is a time of rapid development, learning, and discovery, followed by adolescence, where we begin to seek identity, independence, and form relationships. My childhood was the BEST, I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s. I will always say I grew up in the best of times…

Young adulthood ushers in new responsibilities as we pursue careers, partnerships, and perhaps parenthood, shaping our sense of purpose and direction. It was full of children, chaos, and wonderful memories as well. Also, for me, bad choices in partners and divorce. But I excelled as a single mom in the end and took years to raise my kids with no more bad choices in the mix. I regret nothing… It was a good journey in the end.

Then comes middle age, priorities often shift toward stability, reflection, and legacy. Kids grow and move in their own directions. A struggle, but a good part of the journey.  Late middle age is a pivotal period. During this phase, there are significant transitions… children have left home, there may be grandkids in the mix, there were for me. My career ambitions may give way to thoughts of retirement, mine shifted to education, and I finally got to indulge in a formal college education. There is also a heightened awareness of health and the passage of time, your mortality is within sight on the horizon as well. It’s a time marked by both nostalgia for what has passed and anticipation, and a bit of apprehension for what’s ahead.

Leaving late middle age behind often means coming to terms with the end of certain roles or identities, such as your active professional life or daily parenting. This transition can bring a mix of emotions, yes,  it did for me. It included pride in achievements, regret for missed opportunities, and hope for new beginnings. Embracing this change allows us to enter the later phases of life with acceptance and a renewed sense of purpose, focusing on connection, wisdom, and the joys that each new chapter can bring… Or that is how I expected it to be. Instead, I am 10 years into a walk in a dystopian nightmare. The world I grew up in, the world and country I thought I knew, is disappearing bit by bit. I sit and cry for what we are losing and try to rage against the heaviness of the world. I am afraid of what is coming, never imagined that would be my reality. Death does not even cause me to fear anymore, it is the hate, the ignorance, and the evil that scare me.

So, which phase of life was most difficult to say goodbye to? The phase of life where people were kind, where life was simpler and more affordable. The phase where we worshipped in peace and did not bring politics into it. The phase where we fought for each other, believed in goodness more than bad. Where hate and ignorance were not so common, and we were a more united people. I am in a phase of life where there are more years behind me than before me. I miss too many, and too much… I do not like walking into this dystopian world that is before me. I hurt and worry for my kids, my grandkids, my great-grandkids. Life goes on… the journey before me is walking into the phase of life that culminates in the end. I will keep going, praying, and counting on God’s mercy and grace to get me through.