Rambling on, trying to find my way through, one day at a time…


Life is a journey they say, it is to me an ever evolving one. Working on ME has become a necessary evil as all the snippets of life information my mom and dad told me about seem to be becoming very real. It is not only the body that ages, but the mind does also as well. My mind is full of stories, memories, and ideas that at times have me daydreaming for hours, pondering what to do next, what is possible, and some days just smiling through tears as I recall people and things now gone.

Life is meant to be lived not watched they say… But as I grow older, I find myself watching more than doing lately. So much change, and yes, life is full of change always. Another thing that is constantly on my mind is, If you don’t use it you lose it. This one has hit hard as I have grown older. I have been living for over half of my 67 years with a disability, physical one due to an accident of fate when I was 31. I contribute my success and ongoing evolution to my Daddy’s persistent nudge to not ever give up, as well as the faith that I have built my life on. My Daddy would say, “you are an Ellis you can’t quit, it is not in us to do that, remember God never gives you more than you can bear.” So, I go on, Every. Day.

I will admit that working on ME is an endless and at times, a frightening journey at this age. So many new aches and pains and things to deal with physically. Mentally the loss of so many weighs a bit heavily on my heart some days. The Kids are grown and old, my grandkids are grown and older too, and I have great grandkids now. How did that happen? I miss the structure of life that I had before they all aged up and life got busy in ways that have taken old rituals out of the journey. Working on ME means finding things to do that fill the voids left by change and people moving in different directions. I never saw it coming, didn’t think about the day when no one would be around. When I would be the Matriarch of our small family.

But I have been working on ME. I have in the last three years been thinking about what I need, want, and must do. I try and exercise, I don’t want to lose what I got going on. Age makes that a real concern. I have fed the writer in me and my soul by writing about my struggles, my faith, and how I have not just survived but thrived as I have gone along my path. Is it enough? While I have some sad days, I have more happy ones. I find myself to be quite content most days. I have less tolerance for ignorance and drama. I have lived longer now than I ever will again… I worry about the world and what it is becoming. I am overwhelmed some days, but I have a place of refuge here at Swampy Bottom Acres. I try to help as much as I can, I work daily on being a better me for ME. I spend more time with God, less with people, and more time working on making ME happy. One day at a time Sweet Jesus… One day at a time. Just working on ME to be the person I and God need me to be…