Rambling About Feeling Lost and Hoping for Something Better…

To be honest, I suppose everyone has days when they feel like they don’t belong, almost like the world is moving one way and you’re stuck going another. Wanting to fit in is human, but sometimes feeling out of place is just part of life’s changes. Maybe you’re heading somewhere new and just don’t know it yet. The good news? God’s grace sticks with you the whole way, even if you’re still figuring things out. Sometimes just trusting that is enough.

I can tell you this feeling out of place thing, it comes at times when you least expect it. It comes in places where you never expect it. It happens for reasons we can’t explain or even understand. It comes with heartache and denial, and it comes with realization and confusion. It comes among strangers and can sneak in amongst those you love as well.

For me the out of place feeling came early in life, brought on by dysfunction that no one saw or knew about. It made me feel adrift at times, as if I did not belong and made me feel I was always wrong. Wrong for not doing, not wanting, not seeing, not being what others thought I should or could be. I grew past that and became a person that seemed to be in control. That stepped into situations of life and owned them, heart body and soul. But just as I thought I owned life and the world, in old age I have found that old feeling return. This time again it is family that has spawned this out of place feeling. I tell myself often, I never saw this coming. My kids are all grown up and so are their kids as well. I find myself feeling as if I am at the bottom of a very deep well. Inside I scream out to be seen and to be heard, to belong and be among them but I feel lost more often than not. I know life is busy and we all get caught up, but I never really imagined that life at this age would be like this.  

When you get that weird, out-of-place feeling, it’s worth taking a second to look for a bit of God’s grace. Grace isn’t just a fancy spiritual concept, it’s like a quiet reassurance that you matter, even when you’re feeling out of sorts. Sometimes asking for a little grace is all it takes to feel a bit more at ease. I have had to learn and to accept that I will see them less. To be honest at times life is just a mess. But I handle my feeling out of place by giving myself a bit of mercy and looking for Gods grace.

Grace pops up in everyday stuff: a beautiful sky, someone smiling at you when you needed it, or just catching your breath for a minute. If you’re down or feeling disconnected, being real with yourself and with God can help. Even a quick, honest chat with God can open the door to some comfort. This morning, I had a long talk with God and told him I’m not sure where I am at right now and then He sent my redbirds to visit as if to say “I hear you, you got this, remember you matter… You are My Child.”

Whenever you feel out of place, grace is out there for you. It’s steady, patient, and always ready to help you feel a little more at home in your own skin.
Thank you, God,… Thank you….