The Noise in My Head and the Anxiety in My Heart…

The day-to-day life I expected at the age I am now is certainly not what I supposed it to be. I never imagined the insanity and chaos of fascism, the loss of rights, the loss of decency, the hate and racism that seems to be so prevalent, nor the warped and chaotic religious ideals that make me think of Jim Jones and Charles Manson.

It’s a bizarre spectacle, this tangle of power and delusion, unfolding in real time. Politicians parade their views like shields, shouting platitudes that once held virtue but now seem hollow and performative. We watch, breathless, as demagogues pivot from one incendiary statement to another, fueling division with a kind of reckless artistry. The lines between faith and fanaticism blur until it’s difficult to tell whether the pulpit is a place of hope or a stage upon which a cult-like mentality is being born.|

The news has become so hard to watch or read. Each headline is a lit match, lighting up new corners where decency once dwelled. Religious leaders twist scripture into strange shapes to justify cruelty, and the faithful—sometimes lost, sometimes complicit—become actors in a theater of fear. The world feels upside down, as if basic kindness has been traded for the cold comfort of certainty. In this relentless chaos, anxiety becomes the soundtrack of daily life, and the hope for something softer, kinder, more sane flickers in the background, barely audible. It’s as if I can hear a faint murmuring in the distance, a grumbling beneath the surface of the day and night straining to be heard.

I have always believed  in the goodness of people, and in the power of God. I was raised with empathy, kindness, and in a church where we believed in the words in red and were taught to practice them. I was also raised among so many that now have turned to racism and hate and applaud the despicable actions that we are seeing daily in this country. In Georgia where I live there have been numerous shootings just this month, it is impossible to even search for the answer to this question on google because of inconsistent data. That is frightening…  and telling of the morality and state of things in our country. It is hard foe me to even grasp that this is our new reality.

Today I woke up to the unsettling news of a government shut down looming, one I feel is imminent and wanted by those in power for ulterior motives. A call for military personal from all over the country as an emergency to meet under the shadow of the looming shutdown, shootings daily, two tropical storms barreling in on the East Coast, A vengeful and revenge seeking man in power attempting to hurt and destroy people he thinks wronged him. Power grid issues in places, where does I t end? The canonization of an antagonist vile man has brought light to how many now followed under the guise of religion a man filled with hate, racism, fascism,  leaving behind the teachings of Christ to morph religion into a tool of war and hate. How did so many fall into such a dark and frightening place, how have so many lost empathies, kindness, and the ability to see truth and reality.
I do not know, I swear it came  upon us in a way I truly did not see it coming… I am just so thankful, so grateful, so relived that I did not fall into this abyss with them. But it is frightening to feel as if I am holding onto the edge teetering because no one else can break the spell that has overtaken them.

I wake  up and Thank God for my sanity, for the faith I have which holds me together. I find great solace that I am steady, and my foundation is strong. I thank God I for the simple things I see, the grass, the birds, and the quietness of nature that surrounds me. I am also weary, weary of the weight of the chaos and insanity, it hurts me to see both the ignorance and the denial of those who refuse to connect all the dots and think we are moving to something better. I worry about my great grandkids, my grandkids, and my kids’ futures. I worry because I remember the past, the stories of how my Antifa grandparents, my parents worked so hard to build a future for us all. I am in shock that now so many, brainwashed by fake news, untruths, and warped religious teachings are now falling prey to a cultist mindset that talks of euthanizing homeless people, are building concentration camps, are disappearing people who are human just as we are, and are so set on believing that the uber wealthy are in anyway trying to make our life better.

This morning the weight of it all was there when I woke up, usually I spend my early morning soaking up the sunlight, smiling as I watch as the world her wakes up… I walk among the acres and find joy at the tiniest of creatures as they go about their way in this big world. Today I will need to pray a bit longer,  a bit deeper, and build my strength to make my day. It is one of my days to be among people, I know there are still good people, but the ignorance and vileness of the world seem inescapable some days. Now its time to walk about and find my joy, my amazement at the beauty of God and this world He made. I  hope you find your peace today, and find the strength to make it through…