If I had to, if only I could… I consider myself a wordsmith, so the idea of giving up words, regularly used or not seems like I would be taking a part of the thread of the fabric of writing away… words are used for purpose, for positive and negative vibes, and to describe. To relate emotion, to make a point or an excuse, to deny, and to give hope, joy, share kindness, share regret, share grief. They are how we communicate everything in life. They help us share direction, emotion, love, hate, gladness, and sadness…. it feels as if any words I use regularly would then limit my ability to do what I want,  express myself…

But….. the word I wish I could stop seeing, could stop from popping into my mind and from coming out of my mouth is one of those 4-letter ones that I try so very hard to avoid. That word is fuck. This word seems to be one that is uttered in shock, extreme confusion, when something comes at you that trips an invisible switch inside and it pops up like toast from the toaster, with a feeling of instant regret for me. I try very hard to stop it, yet at times, there it comes popping into the world. 

I understand that it is a word most often used without thought, it is used because of extreme surprise and shock, and yes anger too… I utter it at times, surprised that it has, ashamed a bit too. I am a nice old lady, I do however have what I call a truck driver button, which when pushed can cause it to erupt. My faith makes my heart cringe when its used, I actually see it used so often in a form as to hide it or camouflage it. F$$K , fu@#, fu@$%^g, no matter, it is read and understood. 

It has become a bone of contention with me lately. To be sure, its use has escalated as the level of shock, anger, and confusion in society has risen lately. Memes are full of it, people are looking for a strong word to show emotion of upset and it is filling the space. So, if I could I’d remove this word, but what would take its place?