I wish that I could say no and mean it when it comes to this question… truth is, the grudge I hold haunts me. Being wronged by someone can hurt deeply, it can cause anger that won’t fade away, and resentment that eats you from the inside out.

My grudge is against a man, Mark Podlin. He was the man my daddy thought of as a friend and trusted executor of his will. He was neither and that became apparent in his final days, but it was too late to stop. We have suffered for 10 years under this man’s reign of abuse. He treated us so badly, my two sisters and I. He took from us not only money. But he tried to destroy our memories, take from us the reality and love of our family. He managed to destroy our faith in lawyers, they don’t quickly turn on each other, even for what’s right or fair. He tried to make us believe my daddy had given him the power to abuse us, to take from us… but we knew, we know better. He was our daddy, he loved us all, we were told over and over to watch him, make sure he did what he wanted and spelled it out for us, up until his dying day. This man killed my sister Jill as surely as if he shot her, he took away all her hope, she was broken when we realized we could get no help, and his lies were exposed.

I will go on…. so will my kud sister. We are what is left of our core family. We hold on to each other. The “grudge” comes up from the place in the corner of my heart and mind that I have struggled to push it into… but I know, it is done. Forgiveness is not easy, but I know he suffers ill health now, and he will have to answer for his deeds. As vile and hateful as his strikes at us have been, I know it eats at him. I let it fade from my everyday world but I think at times he deals with it daily. Or so I’d like to think. To be so ready to spew the ugly and lies to us, I’m sure he feels something that feeds this vileness.

A grudge hurts so, gets so heavy in our heart and soul… it is best to forgive and let go. I know this. But there are times we can only manage to control how it truly affects us. If I could find a lawyer to go against him, I would not hesitate to hold him legally accountable for his misdeeds. But for now, I trust God to just give me peace and allow for him to judge him when the time comes.