Good morning Y’all it’s Sunday, I wish I had a church where I felt welcomed, easy,  and at home in, I miss that deeply. I woke up early this morning, before daylight, not sure why, or what woke me… I guess God.

I feel the need to be in the quiet, no music, no TV, no one speaking, there is no one but me anyway. Just watching, the redbirds have been coming steadily lately, the young and old, the parents bringing the kids to show them the feeder, teach them to eat… but even outside this morning the trees are still, their moss-draped limbs hanging still. I hear birdsong now, got a good rain yesterday,  everything green seems brighter, I have hummingbirds buzzing past the window to the feeder too. There is a butterfly sitting on the back of my porch chair, never seen one so close… Jill loved butterflies,  they make me think of her now.

I’ve seen no real sun yet but the sky is lighter than it was. Another rainy day they say. There it is, a break in the clouds, a bit of sun peeling out… stillness is still persisting.
A day off, from the noise, needed. If only the chaos and turmoil of my mind could be as quiet today, any day…

I never imagined that life at this age and stage would be this, this journey has become heavy and surreal and the way seems fraught with stressy and messy ideology. I have never felt so unsure about life, about what is ahead. Ah, there’s more sun now, and more redbirds. I might need another feeder. They bring my ole’ woman heart joy.

I wish some days I never had to leave this place, I find great peace here, my soul breathes easy here. But life has concessions,  and to live you must involve yourself in the goings on in the world to some extent. The empath me, sees this place as a refuge, where I can cleanse my soul from the heaviness of the world. I am weary of confrontation, ignorance, and the vile hate and injustice of the world. It makes it feel hard to breathe some days. My heart feels like it is weighted down, I am disappointed in people,  but it’s gonna be alright, I always am, God has me.
Time to move about a bit, I may enjoy the quiet that Swampy Bottom Acres gives me, but I have things to do… I hope you find your peace today 🙏
I’m treading life one day at a time… and that’s okay…
God is within her, she will not fail.
God will help her at the break of day…
Psalm 46:5